NEW YORK—For the fifth straight year, Jordan McCabe will return home for the holidays and spend the night before Thanksgiving running into every smug and unlikable asshole he ever went to high school with, the year-old reported Monday. The trip back home, scheduled for later this week, will reportedly bring McCabe face-to-face with an endless string of pricks from his past, each of whom he will have to engage in awkward conversation, and generally pretend to be happy about seeing again. There, McCabe expects to bump into at least five insufferable assholes in the first three minutes. Yeah, Schimdt will definitely be there. Probably be hammered, too.